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Volume 1, Issue 2 - Akhbar moomtastica min Falestiin Black May 2001
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PALESTINIANS ALLEGE: ISRAELIS "BLEW UP" GAZAN APARTMENT
A REPORT FROM OUR CNN CORRESPONDENT


Site of alleged 'rocketing' Atlanta -- According to our on the ground reporter in Atlanta, Palestinian residents in the Gaza Strip claim that Israeli troops allegedly "blew up" a "residential" building on April 30th, "killing" two Palestinians and "injuring" another three. According to Israeli sources, the allegations were a complete lie.

"The Palestinians completely refused to participate in our investigation," head of the Israeli Self-Defense Forces southern command Maj. Gen. Doron Almog told CNN. "We went to the hospital and attempted to interview the two civilians that Palestinians claimed were killed as the result of this attack on a terrorist headquarters. They refused to comment. What more can we do?" [more]



Binyamin Ben-Eliezer
INTERVIEW: ISRAELI DEFENCE MINISTER BINYAMIN BEN-ELIEZER COMMENTS ON RIOT TACTICS AROUND THE WORLD

Al-Bassaleh special correspondents Daniyaal Abu Sami and Najeeb Al-Anbarri interviewed Ben-Eliezer to get his advice on how international governments should deal with the recent wave of rioting around the world.

KoreaKOREA: Laid-off workers and students hurl rocks at police officers during a rally in Seoul, South Korea, Saturday, March 31, 2001.

Ben-Eliezer: "What are these plastic trays - are these Korean police about to serve tea to the rioters? You cannot negotiate with terrorists! In Israel we make sure every member of the Israeli Self-defence Forces is equipped with the latest M-16 riot equipment to deal with the Arabs."


Spain SPAIN: Spanish fishermen burn boats during a protest in the southern city of Barbate on 11 April 2001.

Ben-Eliezer: "Look at this! Here these Spanish terrorists are burning boats in city streets and they're all still standing! If this was happening in Israel, half would be crippled and the other half dead within five minutes of striking the first match! Where are the useless Spanish police, on a siesta?"


TurkeyTURKEY: Turkish riot police hold their shields to protect themselves from the stone throwing demonstrators in central Ankara on 11 April 2001.

Ben-Eliezer: "Are these Turkish police praying for mercy? What pussies! We would not tolerate this pitiful display of weakness in front of stone-wielding enemies of the Israeli state. We would immediately court martial any Israel soldier who did this. What are all these governments thinking? There was not one death or maiming of a demonstrator by the authorities in any of these demonstrations! Pathetic! These people need to learn from Israel."

...BREAKING NEWS...

  • Israeli Defence Ministry announces new tactic: crushing Palestinian protest "with might, force, and beatings". Previous tactics of "force, might, and beatings" and "beatings, might, and force" now considered obsolete by security officials.

  • New York Times journalist reported to have been "severely disciplined" after one sentence in an otherwise fine report deviated from the previously agreed AIPAC text.

  • Palestinians remain curious as to why Western World continues to support Israel. A familliar-looking White European Israeli government spokesperson, reminiscient of that nice neighbour down the road who always offers to help you with your taxes, declined to comment in a very reasonable sounding way, in perfect English.

  • American Arab organisations meet at three different conferences held in three different US cities to discuss Arab American organisation.

  • Today, 34-year-old Israeli settler Noam Goldberg, newly-wed husband of Leah, father of Moshe (4), Rachel (3), and Haim (5), was brutally slain in a drive-by shooting near the Palestinian town of Ramallah, while on the way to the mall to buy his wife a birthday present. 43 Palestinians died today.
  • NEWS IN BRIEF
    Following 6th Knesset vote this year on new boundaries of Jerusalem, figures released today by Israeli Bureau of Statistics show there are only 12 Palestinians living in Israel's undivided capital.
    Sharon Stone Speaking at a press conference in Beverly Hills, actress Sharon Stone denied her name was anti-Israeli.
    Subaru problems Subaru Inc., announced a recall of cars in the Occupied Palestinian Territories following a series of what company spokesmen Dan Johnson termed "strange occurances" with several of its cars owned by Palestinian activists. "We've eliminated user error," said Johnson, "and Israel has assured us that they have no idea what's going on, so we're looking at the possibility that there is some manufacturing defect that results in spontaneous total destruction of our product." Laughing Johnson added, "Our investigators report that the wreckage looks as if the cars had been targeted by rockets! As if!"
     
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