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Volume 1, Issue 1 - Akhbar moomtastic min Falestiin	Black April 2001
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NEWS HEADLINES PENTAGON ANNOUNCES CHANGE OF DEFENCE STRATEGY: OFFERS NEW MILITARY AID PACKAGE TO ISRAEL Washington, D.C. -- During a Pentagon Press Conference convened to present conclusions of the just-completed quadrennial review of U.S. military capacity and strategies, U.S. Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld (pictured left) revealed that the US military will not pursue a missile defence program after all. The high-tech program, termed "Star Wars" by its many detractors, has been eclipsed in effectiveness, terror, and cold-blooded accuracy, according to Rumsfeld and President George Bush, Jr., by a much less costly system: Rocks delivered as projectiles. [more] ISRAEL ARRESTS RINGLEADER OF INTIFADA SHARON: "VICTORY IS IMMINENT" Jerusalem -- Israeli prime minister Ariel Sharon announced the beginning of the end to the Palestinian Uprising today as 400 Israeli soldiers arrested a 10-year-old Palestinian boy in a sting operation that Israeli security sources described as "a 6 month long hunt for the person behind the rioting". "Today's arrest of one of the ringleaders of the rioting goes to show that Israel retains military and intelligence superiority in the region," commented Sharon, in a triumphant impromptu press conference outside the Knesset. "Israel has shown it can handle all threats to its existence. Victory is imminent. We will continue to strike at further targets until the Arab unrest is crushed." ...BREAKING NEWS... Israeli Defence Ministry announces new tactic: crushing Palestinian protest "with force, might, and beatings". Previous tactic of "beatings, might, and force" now considered obsolete by security officials. New York Times journalist "severely disciplined" for entering West Bank to report on story: American Colony Hotel Bar manager anounces slight dip in profits. First Palestinian stone of the Intifada hits an Israeli soldier: Thrower's proud mother comments, "It only hit the Zionist enemy in the leg, but little Abdullah struck an important blow for Palestine." Israel rocketed Palestinian cities in retaliation. American Arab organisation reported to have "done something". Media mogul Conrad Black attacks Jerusalem Post journalists for being "too soft on Palestinian sympathisers."	NEWS IN BRIEF Following 5th Knesset vote this year on new boundaries of Jerusalem, figures released today by Israeli Bureau of Statistics show there are only 20 Palestinians living in Israel's undivided capital. Midway through the Arab Summit, Jordan's King Abdullah balanced a large plate on his head to demonstrate solidarity for Palestinians. Following a busy day of walking around inside Ramallah waving a gun for 100 members of the international media, one of the 4 members of Fatah's Tanziim militia confesses he's not sure if he would recognise Israeli PM Sharon from the organisation's training doll.
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